If You Amputate My Leg
If you amputate my leg, where is Callie? Is Callie in the severed leg or is she in the rest of the body?
In recent days, whenever I look at the mirror long enough, tears flow from my eyes. When I see my reflection, I see through and through the eyes that look back at me. The windows to my soul, baring its soul.
There has been so much heartache lately. Intense moments of disappointments and sadness. This happened because I placed so much emphasis on a particular someone to provide me with happiness. So I get upset when I am neglected, misunderstood and unloved by this person.
Human generally cannot be satisfied. When you have someone by your side who loves you, you start to want the rest of the world. You get bored with love, and then you crave for the fun and excitement that comes with frivolity, treading on the danger line and telling yourself you will never cross it. You start to change by being secretive and telling supposed white lies to cover your tracks, and all these no doubt adding on to the novelty of experiencing someone fresh. You tell yourself, all these is nothing, at most - perhaps just a little cheekiness to spice up your life, perhaps an innocent search for a true friend. In reality, you have indeed changed. In return, the essence of true love you once have in your hands, changed too.
What is reality? Reality is as you grow older, finding NEW sincere and true friends get as rare as finding a mermaid in the sea. You don’t want to believe that so you start your search ONLY among the opposite sex, trying to find that (new) one true friend, telling everyone else your actions are as innocent as a newborn child. Nothing can ever be so innocent in your actions yet you lied so much, even YOU believed in your own lies.
You once owned a true friend. Someone who stood by you through your mostly pits, for the past 8 years. Someone who is your friend, advisor and lover all rolled in one. Someone who cared with all her heart and love you in her own special way. But this someone is not enough for you, can never be enough for you - for you need the attention and superficial fun that comes with a truckload of friends to fill your boring days. When such friends flew in times of need, you start to think you need more true friends so you begin fishing for one. Oh! The thrill of finding and developing from scratch, a friendship with that someone who excites you! You have forgotten about your steadfast lover, standing in the corner of your existence, gathering dust and cobwebs. No wonder, when you do cast a glance at her, she no longer makes your heart flutter.
Your steadfast lover has transformed to a mere safety net. A net you know you can fall back on whenever life gets too tough out there. Be reminded, even a safety net can be torn.
You want the best of both worlds! When faced with making the choice between your net and newfound friend of the opposite sex, you chose your net. But you are not happy. You feel restricted, monitored and most importantly, you lost the happiness that was gained from finding your friend. Your heart is now closed and you grew old within the day. You can no longer glance at your lover without that tinge of resentment. You have indeed changed and so did the essence of true love you hold in your hands.
If Callie’s organ of the heart and brain are digged out, where is Callie then? If Callie’s both legs and arms are gone, where is she? Now, chop up her body and smash her head (to bits), WHERE will Callie be???
In the mirror, I look through the eyes that look at me and I see my own flesh rotting, my heart bleeding, my eyes tearing … for I have stood at that corner far too long.
Where is Callie?
Callie lives in an invisible well that stores her mind and emotions. This well overflows with streams of love, kindness and tenderness and it glows and glows with simplicity. This is my soul. All I need is someone who needs not any other but just this soul of mine. I will be his, forever.
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