Callie’s Scattered Parts

Strange how a mention of Jo’s blog led me to revisit my own and felt compelled to write, to give answers to so many of my friends, old friends. It has been more than a year since my last entry and so much has happened.

How does one put into coherent words of chaos and drama collected over 10 years?

Before I begin, some of you may know some of you may not, that Callie has changed. Her life has changed, for better or for worse, I do not know. Some of you I am avoiding and I am sorry - you probably do not believe me and it is okay. Let me use an analogy, you have paid this guy in advance for his services to keep your house clean for the next one year and then he disappeared, he stopped going by your house to do what he is paid to do … because he is actually terminally ill and receiving treatment in hospital. Can you fault him? You can. Coming back to me, you have all the right in the world to be angry, to blame, to despise me for doing a Houdini on you and I totally understand. But I do not have any energy left in me to explain or attend to you because I am in dire need of repair. One day, if I ever get out of this mess I am in, like my analogy, I will personally drop by your house and clean, wash, and do everything that I have promised. You don’t have to believe me, it is up to me to redeem myself and time will tell. I may never get your forgiveness but this will not stop me from reappearing and giving back when I do hopefully recover.

I have lost everything that I have spent almost 10 years of my life building for. Overnight, my life tumbled down in a merciless avalanche and trapped me within this painfully cold world that I am still in. Every moment, with every breath that I take, I claw and scratch feebly at the icy walls around me. Sometimes I can hear voices that sound so far away, telling me not to give up and I know these are voices of friends who care and they are near… but somehow, in my little enclave, I shut them all out, allowing only traces of their words to reach me. I am numbed. To go on, I close my eyes and imagine being in love, problem-free and being truly happy and in so doing I trick my body and mind in a state of bliss - the only thing making me breathe.

Before I start to write, I’m beginning to wonder if I’m getting a tad too negative on what I’m about to rant. I mean most of whats below put men in a bad light and kind of makes one reassess if men can ever be trusted at all. Don’t get me wrong, of course I do wish I am in a lovey dovey relationship with a man who is righteous, well-organised, kind-hearted, caring, good-natured and love me whole-heartedly and only me. Then again, the cynical part of me can’t help booing at such notions calling myself naive and gullible. So trying to walk on the fine line that separates the idealistic and love-craving side versus the acidic critical nature is sometimes a much tortured affair.

I have signed up at lovehappens, a website that helps pair up people. I made my profile, probably about 2 years back and paid almost no attention to it, except for the regular updates I get in my emails. I seldom login there because I’m not interested in finding people just for the sake of "lets try and fall in love with each other". Admittedly, love should be a God-induced coincidence that brings two people together, sometimes with a few trials scattered along the way. However, with a society developing so fast and soaking up readily the fastfood culture, it is no wonder such websites  that offer instant companions are popping up all over the place.

Reading the mails from the guys can be rather entertaining. It opened my eyes so much and made me laugh so hard. I have listed some below, word for word - except for those comments I have in (brackets).

The mails I get from the men are varied and many. I understand that it is not easy for a guy, having paid for a service to enable them to mail others in Lovehappens, to actually come up with interesting enough messages to warrant a reply from their coveted females.

For obvious reasons, I’ll be masking out company names and emails with ###.

( Now, there are those mundane ones like )

hi there!
hi callie,
just came across your profile and would like to know u better.
care 2 be frens?

see ya!
Markus

( and then there are the strange ones who can’t speak proper English: )

hiiiiiiiiiii
Hello pretty lady,compliment of the day and how are you doing, Hope fine.Dear,i like what i saw in your profile,you look cute and goergous.
Dear,i am Jones confidence,a single man of 32 years old from Africa,but i live here in Malaysia country for my studies,i we like to know you so that we can grow up in harmony and in love but i hate games oak,and you sound matured and good to my likening.Hope to hear a good answer from you soon,and you can add me with my yahoo id, ###@yahoo.com or MSN messenger ###@hotmail.com,so that we can have a better talk ok,hope to hear from you soon, take good care,cheers,Bye
Confidence Jones

do you have webcam ..can i see you online bade sexy you with me
###@hotmail.com

( and the disillusioned ones )

Hello
Hi Beautiful,

Take care and have a nice day. I like your profile..
Ciao
Pawan

( and these two, the cheapo angmo who won’t pay for the email service and the loser angmo who probably can’t get a girl back where he’s from. )

can you email me or chat at ###@yahoo.com ?
Hi this is Roland from Germany

Roland

hi
I liked your profile and just wanted to take a minute to say hi. I live in Florida in the US and am looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with.
You can write me at ###@hotmail.com if you are interested.

Eric

( The Mr Lost for words : )

Hello
Hi. Thought I would try to make the contact first. Not sure what to write in here. Perhaps we could start a topic somewhere. In case you can’t reply here, I include my email here. ###@kkk.sg

( and the Mr no-english - how the hell he expect me to understand??? )

moi mountassir et visite on marrocio
moin mountassir
comment to t’appelle.

( and the potentially psycho who thinks I will simply divulge my numbers to him, wish I can post his face and you’ll agree totally with me…)

Hi ,

Look forward to hear from you soon

( and then there is the poetic one who attempts at some psychic reading into my personality, nonetheless, he must be a romantic at heart, who knows? )

hello babe
hello
i really appreciate meeting you on the net. how are you doind? . so i just want to let you know
how much i feel versince i meet you eventhough i ,ve not seen your face
,but i believe and something keeps telling me that you are a very
responsible person and i will really want to love u with my heartand
soul
and just believe u will reciprocate my love4 u. please can you send
your pictures to my box today at least to kee[pmy mind at pease
your solomon ###@yahoo.com
A Pseudodependency

Oblivious prisoner within my own despair,
Lost and all alone like a floundering ship,
A world devoid of your delicate charms,
Hurry, my dear, come home from your trip!

( But among all, this takes the cake! A seemingly decent looking chap who has a successful career, probably married, late 30s and started off pretty normal at first, wait till you get to read the later half! )

Hi,

Cheers,
Benjamin

See, these are just the tip of the iceberg. These men, the bulk which I have not listed, most of whom I believe are leading married lives, acting out the loving husband and doting father roles are actually on the side looking for some "fun". Has our lofty love ideals evolve with the technological age and the ease of digital communication, to degenerate into a dual-natured facet, finding thrills in having successful sex-capades as long as no one gets  caught? Is the good old faithful gentlemen a dying breed? You decide and leave your comments.

My Girl died on 2nd of May 2007, alone.

She had suffered a deep bite from a wild male while trying to fend off his attempts of rape. It was the organization’s decision to introduce a male to her even though they do not really understand Girl. The bite wound did not heal and tissue around it was dead in 2 days and a fatal infection set in. Finally after 3 days of trauma, pain, and fear, she was euthanized on 2nd May 2007. She died alone in sadness, hoping and waiting for a hope that cannot be realised - she had yearn to see me.

Girl, I am sorry. You will always live in my heart and memory. I have never stop thinking of you and loving you.

I pray that you may finally be released from your earthly bond and receive peace and deliverance.

May you be blessed whereever you are.

So many things to do, so little time. Thats what I told myself over and over but in truth - my other self telling me to stop lying to myself - I am making excuses for my procrastination. I have procrastinate and procrastinate and veiling it with unending activities such as watching American Idol, watching movies on Veoh, and  my all time fav, daydreaming. Okie, to be fair to me, I did do a fair amount of work, such as replying emails and planning for work and worrying about stuff, as usual. However, the bigger, the more important things are always last on my list. Why? Because I know deep somewhere that the bigger to-do things are useless  unless I have the tools to execute them, I’m merely wasting my time. So I dread doing it. Every time I psych myself, sitting down, preparing to do the important things, I’ll feel the extra chill from the aircon numbing my fingers and my mind, a total blank.

Writing my blog is one of my to-do things too - not the very important ones - but still, something I want to do and also something I do not. Some stuff are just so private. No point in revealing just so to provide others with a 5 minute entertainment and risking my peace. Hence, the delay in writing this blog. I mean, blog is sort of like an online diary right? And if I cannot be totally honest and having the free reign to write in my diary, what is the point of blogging? Dilemma dilemma ….

Then I decided that there are just so many topics I can go on and on that I can pick any one of them to rant about without having an ex-po-se.

So for my friends and all those who likes to get a peek of me, be entertain by my following thoughts ….

What else other than my current addiction - American Idol. I have followed season 6 since the first audition and have never missed an episode. My TV reception sucks and cable TV is totally out in the area where I live so how is that possible? Well there is always internet AND this particular website where very kind and nothing-better-to-do souls post up movie clips and TV series such as Smallville, Prison Break, Lost, Supernatural and certainly many others. This is where I watch all my episodes of AI - www.dailymotion.com  Wonderful site that doesn’t require any registration. Coming back to AI, I am highly amused, not by the singing but the controversy that surrounds Sanjaya. Personally I think Sanjaya is a nice kid and very original. He had many many bad performances and some of them were almost unlistenable. Definitely, he cannot be compared to his polished counterparts but he has this certain will which hovers somewhere between cowhide skin and brave humour and I have to give him credit for standing there week after week despite the boos in the audience and despite knowing he has become the American joke. I don’t regard him as a joke and I think he is far from that. I’ll tell you whats a joke - a joke is a certain Ms Callie who felt the jellied legs and butterflies-infested stomach and sang horribly in her prom night performance and so utterly embarrassed that for a long long time after, she dared not even sing or try to for that matter. Now, a person who has embarrassed herself and allowed herself to dwell on it and who condemns herself harder than any others is someone who undeniably agreed that she is a joke. Sanjaya is different. He had received a national plague of flake and yet he smiles and remains composed and retorts the judges intelligently. He draws strength from the adverse and turns into a determined I-won’t-let-you-affect-me-or-bring-me-down 17 year old kid. So for all those people  who hate him, who threw insults at him and who spun racist and homosexual stories about him, I think you are only making Sanjaya’s fame a little brighter and keeping me more entertained. So for this season, I am rooting for Sanjaya, not that I believe he can (or should) win AI, but rooting for him to go as far as he can because he deserve applause for doing what most of us are not able to.

Before I end my post here, I’ll like to share with you this other website that lets me watch my movies such as Vanity Fair, Children of Fallen Women, Elfen Lied, Ghost Rider, Azumi and many many other gorgeous movies ALL FREE!!!! However do register so that you can login and switch off the "family filter". Most movies stream online and takes very fast to load, while some require you to download it before you can watch the full movie. To download, you’ll need to install their  "Veoh Player" and this I have done so and not found any problems at all.

www.veoh.com

Cheers to a nation of freebies!!!

It takes tremendous force to go against nature. Nature is of course defined by me as non-manmade, laws that keep the mammoth ball spinning and the sun rising. Gravity is what keeps all of us down to earth, yet we want to soar and fly. Man has built aeroplanes even rockets to propel this dream to unimaginable heights.

We do know that we have to overcome mounting pressure at great heights. Without manmade protection, you cannot breathe, you get compressed, your ears and nose start to bleed, and when your manmade gear malfunctions, you are doomed for sure.

Drop a pen and it falls to the ground. Carry your groceries with a 5kg pack of rice and you’ll start to feel Gravity working on your numbed fingers. Gravity is invisible and can come in many forms. I say that because I realise I can feel the weight of the non-material such as words of my friends and events happening in my life…this force tugs at my heart and ebbs away the flow of life.

Event 1)
Girlgirl is my pet. Was my pet. I had her rescued 5 years ago from someone’s toilet and kept her since. She started living with me for about 6 months when I was still staying with my mum, she stayed with me for the whole of 2.5 years at Beach Road and another 2.5 years at Pheng Geck.
I had wanted to keep her, protect her and love her as long as possible. The "as long as possible" ended very recently when I shifted to Geylang. I was not able to hold on to her anymore.
Words are not enough for this. A part of me is sliced and gone.

Event 2)
A customer just sued me. I have to attend a court session this coming Monday.

The truth is : I had a promotion for package of specific items selling for $2500. This customer came along and didn’t want anything in the package. She wanted  fully customised items, note ITEMS and CUSTOMISED, for the same price of $2500. It was a ridiculous request. Out of goodwiill, I agreed. Among the items she wanted, was a coffee table. Her instructions were that she wanted something to have a lid, cannot be round, cannot be square and must be dark coloured. So Simon suggested rectangular box, dark coloured and with a lid. She agreed. During this period of time, Simon went to her house several times to help her with measurements, designs and even helped to repair a totally warped bed she bought from another shop. When the coffee table arrived, she rejected because she said it looked like a coffin entering her house and thus inauspicious. Out of goodwill again, I accepted her refund request and gave her back $250. Two of the rest of items had stucked drawers. This was due to the fault of my supplier and the process of shipping. It was of course my responsibilty. One of the affected item, we reordered her a new replacement. The other affected item, we offered to repair. However, we were not allowed to repair because she has used it as an altar table and according to her, the altar was installed at a particular auspicious time and thus cannot be taken away from that spot. Yet she complained continuously about the stucked drawer. There was no resolve on this issue. It dragged til the other reordered item arrived in S’pore and when we sent it to her, she rejected it saying its a different design. What happened was that the legs were thickened by about 1cm all round to improve stability, nothing was changed in design at all. She wanted a refund. I said ok. It was for an amount of $650. Told her to wait 30 working days. A month later, I sent her the cheque. She did not receive. So I sent her another one. She did not receive again. (bear in mind that the first cheque of $250 was personally collected by her). Now she is suing me for $2500???? When I received the letter, I was puzzled why she did not receive my cheques and found out that the postal code she wrote in her own handwriting was wrong. I pointed out to her the mistake and cause of missing mails, she still insists on suing me? and for $2500????

Well, we shall have to see how Monday goes.

Event 3)
PUB is going to sue me.

Event 4)
My credit cards are going to be busted soon.

Event 5)
My PC is crashing on me soon. Date unpredictable.

Event 6)
My _____________ (incovenient to mention here) is padlocked.

Event 7)
My _____________ (cannot reveal. clue : multiple persons) is chasing me for payments.

Event
I am so craving to have a holiday but I can’t.

The wits I usually have with me, my backers, my resources are all wearing down. The time may come soon when I will be succumbing to the pressure of gravity and my ears/nose will start to bleed.

Put yourself in my shoes. What will you do?

I have finally moved in to my new place. It is now 4.06am and I’m sitting in front of the mac, listening to The Beatles and browsing through my friends’ blogs. I read about Sharon’s grandpa and thought of calling her up to console her, to say something, anything but I know I won’t know what to say because nothing can ever take away the fact of death or facing death. Everyone dies. Everyday, there are many countless lives (animals and humans) being ended. Somehow, death is like a transition to a different plane of existence, no matter which religion you belong to. For me, its never a final goodbye. There can never be a final goodbye because the ones who were gone do come back, although some times in different forms.

Two days ago, my lovebird, Kiwi escaped and fell from her cage and my dog, Cowcow bit her to death. Kiwi’s intestines and other insides were protruding through the bloodied gap in her body. The moment I held Kiwi in my hands, its like my world has been vacuumed off all emotions. In that instant, I was completely stunned, numbed and rooted to the ground. Then, a dam broke within me and out gushed a whole lot of mixed feelings … … I held her in my hands, told her how sorry I am for not securing the cage better, for not rescuing her earlier. Told her I can imagine how much fear and pain she must have gone through the moment her stomach was torn apart. My heart goes all out to her. Nobody deserves to die in such a violent manner. Especially when she is such a lovable pretty and gentle harmless bird.

Told her to forgive Cowcow.

Cowcow must have thought she was a soft toy. Cowcow is not a killer. It was a grave mistake. I sincerely prayed for Kiwi’s soul - for deliverance to a better rebirth. I sincerely prayed that Kiwi will not bear a grudge against Cowcow.

Nonetheless, I hit Cowcow really hard later on. Not because I’m taking out my sadness or anger at her. I wasn’t angry at Cowcow but I have to make sure she learns that feathery little moving objects are not toys - a lesson she must learn albeit a little late.

I read Jo’s blog and was thinking that I could have ended up with similar grievances had I not chose to run my own business. I am not gloating at her situation. In fact, I am envying her problems because I will gladly exchange hers with mine. How fortunate she is! Yet everybody has a different path and mine, however tough and unbearable made me who I am. So will I really choose to work for others? I don’t know. Giving up the norms and making sacrifices to try at realising a dream feels so … so … lonely, so… misunderstood, so…. heavily burdened. For now is a time I have to focus on every step and I’m merely taking one step at a time and at any moment, I know I can trip and fall. Its like carrying 100 kilos and walking up a steep mountain made of slippery limestone - a mountain standing by itself amid a sea of piercing swords …

At times, I contemplate death  but I am not a quiter.

I do want to believe that there is something better awaiting for me. I want to believe that my endurance, my dogged perseverence and my faith will lead me somewhere nice and warm - eventually.

This blog is depressing. The time now is 5.02am.

I met up with a long time friend, Peizhen, today. She is also the mother of my godson… it has been such a while since we last catch up with each other and she is now bellied with her second "little one". Congrats to her!!! I do hope she’ll get a nice pretty baby girl and enjoy the simple pleasure of dolling her up with endless possibilities - as opposed to blue shorts/pants/tshirts/shirts for boys.

She is also the first person to respond to my Wish List (read my previous blog if you have no idea what I’m talking about) and I am so touched, so happy and certainly warmed by her gesture. She got me a set of Japanese porcelain bowls/plates etc - completely microwave safe AND a laundry net for my delicate clothes AND cash donation for subsidising my housemoving expenses. A million xie xie ni! and muacks muacks muacks!!!

Life has a funny way with people sometimes. While talking to Peizhen today, the subject of how I am going to hang my clothes to dry popped up and although we know exactly what I need, none between our two brains can think of where to buy it. Then I came online, check my own blog and Voila!!!!! Serene replied on my blog with the exact thing I need!
This is what she will be giving me :

http://www.ikea.com.sg/products/product_display.asp?id=3242

How perfect right????? All I have to do is wish aloud and taaaadaaaa … like magic, it’ll appear so miraculously!!!!

So here is an update :

1) Porcelain plates (alhough I can have some more) and mugs
2) Laundry net
3) Standing Clothes Dryer

The above items have been generously donated. For those of you eager to inject some charity in your blood, help the needy, do something meaningful, or simply wanting to put a smile on my face, you can still take your pick from the waiting-to-be-donated items below :

1)  A New Fridge

2)  Microwave oven

3)  DVD player

4)  Pots and Pans

5) Bed Sheets

6) Quilt

7)  Laundry Bag

8)  Dog Food

9)  Pillowcases

10)  Thirsty Hippos

11)  Portable TV Antenna

12)  Large Bath Towels

13)  Night Slip-ins

14) Cash Donation

For other details, please read my previous blog and should you have any questions, you may ask them under the comments. Thank you, every one of you!!!!!!

Some of you may know by now that I will be moving house. Actually I HAVE TO move out of my present rented place and move in to Geylang by Nov 20th. I am so looking forward to living in an almost hostel-like lifestyle… Yah right! The only good part is there won’t be any pesky and bitchy roommates to fight with you over toilet usage and mysterious disappearing of shampoo and shower gel. Still, there will be inconveniences and a huge change in the way I live. Well… change is good …. Dah! I’m never effective at self-therapy so let me whine!!!!! I hate this! I really hate this! and I’m ohhhhh sooooo brokkkkkkke that a robber will shower me with pity and give me all his possessions instead.

None of my friends are robbers so I am pretty confident that they can do better. So I have compiled a Wish List of all which are either necessities and nitty gritties that I NEED to ensure my house-moving ordeal can be a little more comforting.

There are items to suit all kinds of budget and like I have said : All Help Appreciated regardless of the amount involved afterall its the thought behind the material that counts …

For the Stable-Income earners not suffering from any bad debts and For those who gets routine spa treatments. I need :

1)  A New Fridge - those with at least 2 doors and has a separate freezer compartment. No bar fridge please. I need something you will use for your own home.

2)  Microwave oven - My present one (lousy brand kind) gives out a foul chemical smell everytime I heat up something so I guess a good brand will be useful looking at the long term.

3)  DVD player - Now this sounds like a luxury item but seriously, who can live without a DVD player in such modern times? Get Akira or any budget brand becos they play the pirated (oops!) formats better.

4)  Pots and Pans - I do like to cook or I won’t be asking for a fridge in the first place. Hence, yes, pots and pans are essential. My present ones need mending and unless you can find me a pot-mender, I will need NEW pots and pans. Please choose those that are "non-stick" or "stainless steel".

5) Bed Sheets - I have dogs and that means if I am going to reuse my present ones, I will be charged with littering my new place with tons of dog fur and stale smell of dog saliva. Not that the old ones cannot be washed… actually they really cannot be washed because the problem remains. OK, let me cut the crap…. get the US King size ones. Plain colours. No ah-ma flower patterns please.

6) Quilt - Freezing aircon means nice comfy quilt to get a restful night. King size.

For those who are comfortable financially enough to buy the occasional 4D and Toto, please get me

1)  Laundry Bag - For storing my dirty clothes. Duh!

2)  Laundry Nets - The old ones  were chewed beyond recognition ( no, not me) so I need new ones. Its for putting in my delicate clothings before dumping them in the washing machine.

3)  Dog Food -  No preference on wet or dry or brands. As you guys know, my dogs are pigs reincarnated and they are just equally healthy eating ANYTHING.

4)  Pillowcases - Need no explanation right? I have 6 pillows. Just plain colours will do.

5)  Thirsty Hippos - to suck up the dampness and smell of the very dark room underneath the staircase where its the only place I can store my clothes. Need many many hungry, no I mean thirsty hippos.

6)  Set of glasses and plates - NO plastics and must be microwaveable.

7)  Portable TV Antenna - New place’s reception sucks to the point where I can only watch moving mozaics… :(   Can’t live without TV… who can?

8)  Standing Clothes Dryer - I don’t refer to the automated machine that blows out hot air… I need the ones where you set the two ends apart with strings or poles connecting the two ends for hanging clothes.

9)  Large Bath Towels - Mine are old, thinned and a little greyish. I will appreciate new ones and NOT used ones. Thank you.

10)  Night Slip-ins - Comfy Fluffy Night slippers. My size is medium or size 7….

For the rest of you, those almost as poor as me or those who find they need a more creative way of rendering me help. May I suggest this :

CASH DONATIONS

Any amount starting from $1.
All cash collected will go into helping me pay the necessary transportation charges (I have to move some items to my mum’s place, some to the new place and some to the other places), building a new cabinet at the new place just for the stove (again, so that I can cook), for settling the PUB bill in the old place, for groceries, paying the Ah-nehs to reinstate the old house … and other daily neccessities.

Please contact me personally via friendster’s message, mobile sms, email or call me directly if you would (oh I’m so sure all of you will… my dearest dearest friends) like to help  with any of the abovementioned. Thank you so very much - from the bottom of my bottomest heart!

To the rare, almost extinct specie of human - what I’ll like to call Unconditional Kind Souls - the ones who would like to donate anonymously to me. You may do so to my POSB Savings Acct Number 171368448. I won’t know who you are but what you have done for me will truly help me and save me. Thank you. Thank you!

P.S : Take away my brave front from writing the above, my shoulders droop knowing that in reality many of you will ignore me or pretend you have ever known me from now onwards ….

I remember when I was little (can’t use the word young, it gets sensitive espcially when you reach my age… and afterall my heart’s always young), I was very much engrossed in reading Enid Blyton’s stories. I love the world she created for me - beautiful children encountering the magical - fairies in the forests, elves behind the bushes, goblins in the secret hilly caves and oh those adventures with the Chair that grows wings, bringing you to places as remote as your furthest imagination! How I love to go places that sound like "SleepyLand" "Nowhere Land" "Chocolate Land" "No Fats Land" "Happy Land" … … I often drifted into a mental comfort zone, reading and feeling my world merging as one with each of the stories.

Along the growing up process, I dumped my Enid Blyton into a phase called "my past" and honestly it wasn’t because I don’t love it anymore. It was in fact, more so due to the possible embarrassment of being caught with Enid Blyton when I was say 15? Who reads Enid Blyton when you are 15 anyway? Teenage, early twenties, mid twenties, late twenties and now finally thirty - I have lived through all these phases and I still think of the simple joy I had derived from Enid Blyton.

Life is never a bed of roses… we are told. Life has its ups and downs … yes I know. But nobody could ever prepare me for this : It is so bloody difficult to earn money - money that you can’t bring to the afterlife - money that you have to struggle so hard for just so you can live - money that can drive wedge between friends bigger than the Grand Canyon - money that fuels greed and change nice innocent children to unscrupulous adults - the so necessary evil which satisfy your material desires. We want to travel, own a Home&Decor lookalike sex pad (the ones with personal pool and rooftop jacuzzi!), a posh car, branded goods and the trendy nip/tuck procedures…

Just like everybody else, I get suck into this neverending bubbling of desires and money money money is SOOOO important. 8 years, yes, 8 years after graduation I have worked, suffered, toiled and worried in the pursue of money but I am now in bad shape and none of the "  Home&Decor lookalike sex pad (the ones with personal pool and rooftop jacuzzi!), a posh car, branded goods and the trendy nip/tuck procedures… "  is even within my sight. What the hell happened?

I cannot give up, not now I tell myself. Oh fuck the dream house, car and branded goods and even my much needed lipo - All I really want to be is in Fairyland - a place I can sleep soundly, answer all my calls with ONLY anticipated happiness (I believe Fairyland is quite advance technologically speaking), where people are truly kind and helpful and animals can talk, where cruelty and sadness are unheard of and all can live harmoniously.

Give me my Fairyland and I will be very happy even if I live just under a tree.